What happened to me?

My family's delicious dinner this past Christmas. This about sums up my eating habits recently: potato sausage, potato bread (can you get more carbs than that?), Swedish meatballs. But I didn't go completely wrong - there's still salmon and broccoli!

What happened to me? That's a question I've been asking myself a lot lately. For the past 8 months I've thrown Paleo out the window. I said goodbye to Paleo and welcomed back bread, cheese, and baked goodies with open arms. I became re-addicted to bread and grains. I grew up as a bread, starch, and cheese sort of gal. If you had asked me as a kid what my favorite food was, I probably would have said either bread or mashed potatoes. Even now, I can tell you my favorite types of bread, because of course I've ranked them - naan, pita, ciabatta, and sourdough are the top four, but I could got on…

These past 8 months have brought that love/addiction/obsession back to the surface. A majority of meals consisted of pita bread or naan with cheese. I have favorite types of cheeses, too, in case you were wondering: gjetost (Norwegian brown goat cheese), brie, white cheddar, havarti, and gouda are just the top five. Part of the reason why I started eating non-Paleo again was because of some health-related issues that started at the beginning of last summer. I was exhausted all of the time and could barely scrape up the energy to cook Paleo meals. When I did cook, I was never in the mood for it - I've wasted a LOT of Paleo-friendly meals over the last few months. So I turned to pre-made meals from Whole Foods or easy-to-snack-on items, like bread and cheese, or vast quantities of chocolate.

Turns out, I was deficient in Vitamin B12. This vitamin is necessary for normal functioning of your nervous system and cell metabolism. It can cause tiredness, weakness, dizziness, numbness or tingling in your fingers and toes, nerve damage (sometimes permanent), GI issues, mood changes, irritability, memory loss, and disorientation. Vitamin B12 deficiency is usually the result of an absorptivity issue. Other causes include insufficient consumption of B12 (such as if you're a vegetarian or a vegan), intestinal conditions (Crohn's disease, celiac, or parasites), or immune disorders (Graves' disease or lupus). You obtain vitamin B12 through your diet - it is not something that your body produces on it's own. Sources of B12 include: meat, poultry, shellfish, eggs, and dairy products.

Not only was I deficient in Vitamin B12 at that time, but also I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. Hypothyroidism is when your thyroid is under-active. Some of the symptoms include fatigue, weight gain, muscle weakness, joint pain/stiffness, depression, impaired memory, dry skin, increased sensitivity to cold, hoarseness, and peripheral neuropathy (numbness and tingling in your fingers and toes), among others.

I was diagnosed with both of these issues after going to a neurologist complaining of numbness and tingling in my fingers. The numbness was particularly bad when I was working out, and sometimes made me a little worried about lifting weights, because I had a hard time maintaining my grip. While this was going on, I was also struggling with waking up exhausted (despite 9 hours of sleep) and had to resort to chugging down caffeine to attempt to stay awake at work. The caffeine just made me simultaneously hyper and tired, and I still couldn't focus. I felt like I was in a constant fog, just struggling to make it through the day. Some days just fighting through work for the first 30 minutes of the day seemed like more than I could bear. I stopped being active because I was tired and I compensated feeling tired with eating more. I stopped cooking for myself because it took more effort than I had to give.

My doctor decided to run some blood tests… and that led to the addition of a few more pills to my daily regimen in order to get my thyroid and B12 levels back in check. I started feeling more energetic again, but couldn't quite get back into Paleo. In a way, I felt betrayed by the Paleo diet. For me, the biggest benefit of going Paleo, was NOT being sick and NOT having to go to the doctor all of the time. And that benefit was slipping away. Here I was, uncommonly tired, gaining weight, and back to visiting the doctor every month. Despite eating meat or animal protein at practically every meal, I was deficient in B12. Despite following the Paleo lifestyle of getting enough sleep, eating clean, lifting heavy things, and moving around more, my body was failing me.

Fortunately, the supplements started to help. After a couple weeks, I started feeling energetic again, but by this time, I was re-addicted to grains and sugar, and though I would tell myself I really needed to get back to eating healthy, I didn't want to give up my addictions. The motivation to eat clean just fell away. I continued to give Paleo the finger.

I was feeling pretty good for a little while, but things started to hurt again. Being the overachiever that I am, I ignored the pain and continued to push myself at the gym and at soccer. I started wearing a knee brace again and ibuprofen became a frequent companion. Then something happened that I've never experienced while working out... my muscles wouldn't completely respond. I tried to use a medium box for step ups at the gym, and I couldn't get my foot up high enough. My quad muscles had obviously started to fire, but seemed to stop half-way. It felt like my body wasn't listening to me. From there, I continued to fall apart. My lifts got harder, and my body began hurting more and more. Around the same time, I started having severe neck pain, which led to physical therapy for my neck, and my exercise was reduced to walking. My migraines came back, and my constant daily headaches returned.

Suffice it to say, I've been falling apart for a while now. And it's time that I try to take charge of my life again.

To start, I'm working my way back to Paleo. I'm beginning with gluten-free, and moving on from there. I'm going to try to break my re-addiction to sugar and grains. And I’m trying to be more active again, which at this point includes swimming, biking, physical therapy (on my knee this time), and walking. And every little bit helps, right?

As I mentioned, I was still cooking some Paleo dishes. And here's one of the desserts I made.

Bacon-wrapped Dates

2 strips bacon

8 dates

1. Preheat the oven to 400°F.
2. Cut the strips of bacon into quarters, and wrap each piece around a date. Stick with a toothpick to keep the bacon wrapped around the date.
3. Place on a baking sheet and transfer to the hot oven. Cook for 15-20 minutes.

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Bars

I gave it a try. I attempted another recipe of Paleo pumpkin chocolate chip bars. The results? It's a bit closer to the consistency (but it's not quite there) and the pumpkin flavor got a bit overwhelmed by the coconut sugar. I've never used coconut sugar before, so I wasn't sure how it would turn out. So here's the recipe I created today. Again, it tastes good, but it's not exactly what I was aiming for.

Paleo Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Bars (#2)

1/2 cup walnut chunks

4 Medjool dates, pitted

1/4 cup almond flour

1 tsp baking powder

1 1/2 Tbls pumpkin pie spice

1/4 cup coconut sugar

1/4 cup melted ghee

1 egg

2 tsp vanilla

1 cup pumpkin puree

1/2 cup almond butter

pinch of salt

3/4 cup Enjoy Life chocolate chips

1. Preheat oven to 350 F. Use coconut oil to grease a 8"x8" pan.

2. Put walnuts and Medjool dates into a food processor for a couple minutes (or until they almost form a paste)

3. Mix the almond flour, baking powder, pumpkin pie spice, and salt into the walnuts and dates.

4. In a separate bowl, use a hand mixer to mix the coconut sugar and melted ghee.

5. Once the sugar and ghee are combined, add the egg and vanilla. Mix in the pumpkin puree and almond butter.

6. Now mix the "dry" ingredients (everything from the food processor) into the "wet" ingredients.

7. Fold in the chocolate chips.

8. Transfer the mixture into the baking pan, and place in the oven.

9. Cook for 35-40 minutes. The sides of the pumpkin bars should pull away from the edges of the pan, and a toothpick entered into the center of the pan should come out clean. Let cool before slicing.

Chemo - Part 6 - Day 5

It was our last day of cladribine! Thankfully we've survived the first 5 days of chemo without any major issues. Overall the side effects have been tiredness, nausea, and a fogginess in the head, but we've attributed that last one to the anti-nausea meds. When I was talking about the fogginess with a few friends last night, we discussed how one of my friends thinks that the anti-nausea medications generally just makes you tired so you sleep through the nausea and wake up after it passes. I can see that being true. It's kind of the same way with migraine medications, though I'm not sure if it's the medication or the migraine that actually makes me pass out and sleep through the worst part of the migraine. I'd say that I'd experiment with it, but when I have a migraine, testing to see if I can stay awake through it is the last thing on my mind.

Some bone-deep leg pain has also kicked in. I think that's the hardest thing we've dealt with so far. We've tried ice packs, but I don't think there's anything to do for bone pain, besides maybe pain killers? Suggestions, anyone?

Anyways, I appreciate all of the well wishes we've received. It makes me relieved to know that my family has a good support system here in Atlanta. I won't worry as much when I head back to Texas. Our next-door neighbor called earlier today to see when he could bring some grilled goodies for us. And some other family friends have already offered to help out with the transportation to the future chemo treatments.

Last night, I went to Leon's Full Service in downtown Decatur. I ordered the Chicken Sausage, with charred scallion, ginger, baby bok choy, green curry, and fried shallot pickles. It was really yummy. And I had the Bitter in a Bottle cocktail. Go there and try it.

Though I think my friend LF got the best option: Bacon in a Glass, with a side of peanut butter.

Here's another banana-based dessert that I baked last night. It has a very strong banana taste, so if you're like my dad and don't like bananas, then don't make this. I know, it's a really complicated concept... Don't make something you don't like? Go figure.

Two-Way Banana Bread

5 frozen bananas, peeled

6 pitted dates

4 eggs

2 1/2 tsp vanilla

1/2 cup coconut flour

1/4 cup almond flour

1/4 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp baking powder

2 tsp cinnamon

1. Preheat the oven to 350 F.

2. Put the dates into the food processor and run until the dates have been broken up into little chunks.

3. Cut up the frozen bananas into a separate bowl. Mash the bananas with a fork (you could also put these into the food processor and use that instead of the manual effort needed to mash the bananas with a fork).

4. Mix with the dates.

5. Whisk the eggs, then stir into the banana/date mixture. Add in the rest of the ingredients in order, stirring after each one is added.

6. Transfer to two coconut-oil greased loaf pans.

7. In one pan, stir in 1 cup of chocolate chips. In the other pan, mix in dried or fresh fruit. I used dried blueberries and dried cherries.

8. Transfer to the oven and bake for 30 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean. Let the loaves cool completely before trying to remove from the pans.

Cherry/Blueberry